Shape-shifter

I woke up early one morning
bawling my eyes out
silently screaming.
Strange, cathartic & disturbing all at once.

I tried to find reasons
as to why I would cry
literally in my sleep.
Justified though it may be
It makes little sense none the less.

I shudder at the thought of that moment
In my half dream/half conscious state
when I realized the wet tears pouring down my cheeks,
a waterfall of emotions pooling on my pillow.

Blips from my dream flashes in my mind.
Accusations piercing my just healed wounds,
humiliating words fly my way.
There I had no room to dodge.
There I had no control, no escape.

A child walked clumsily towards me,
followed by that shape-shifting monster.
He chomped down on my chains,
barely taking off my foot.
He told me I am free to come along.

My heart ached to follow and embrace the beast,
but instinct made me want to run.
The child stared at me with innocent eyes, pleading for me to come.
What would you have done?

I was paralyzed for a while
but the monster began to taunt me.
The same thoughts pounded through my mind
over and over.
Until finally I just flailed my arms
Running in circles,
screaming, crying at the top of my lungs.

Then I woke.

Numb is my brain & body

What a brutal day at work! I am falling asleep here. Even with music in my ears, I thought it would save me but it does nothing. I stopped looking up creative/hobby stuff and tried to read more science articles. Some are interesting but something's still making me drowsy. Maybe it's my pork chop lunch causing this itus. Yeah, it's probably the pork.

I shouldn't have agreed to help out at the TV station. Now after hours of doing nothing, I have to show up, wait and do nothing for another 2 hours there before the news broadcast actually starts. Today is driving me nuts. My last email received was 10:58 this morning! There were only a total of 7 emails before that. Where the hell IS everybody? I thought maybe my mailbox was full and I wasn't getting emails, but I just sent one to myself, no problems or error messages popping up. That's the true mark of a bored person there, sending messages to yourself.

Anyways, maybe trying to write lyrics to a song not yet written will help pass some time. The first verse of this I thought of driving home last week.

This is a dedication to...
Those who sweet talk, those who kiss ass,
The ones that smoke c*ck will get the best grass,
The best of choices, the best opportunities,
The best of you and the best of me.

We give without wanting, they'll dazzle before us.
The way of the world, that's how it is.
Can it be changed, can it be different?
Do you really care? I'm kinda distant.

If I get what I need when I need it.
Why expend energy for naught?
Looking out for number one is the only mandate.
I can do it too and won't be caught.

Like steps on a mayan pyramid,
We'll stomp on you to reach the top.
Suppress the ego to nourish the id,
Steep is the climb but it'll never stop.

If you fall behind, bottom of the barrel,
the rat race continues to the high holy shrine.
We'll do it together, a team, no quarrels.
I'll scratch your back then you can scratch mine.

This is dedicated to...
Those who sweet talk, those who kiss ass,
the ones that smoke c*ck will get the best grass,
The best of choices, best opportunities,
awaiting you, awaiting me.