Friday, March 23, 2007

Looking back

Reading my first post on this blog, it's hard to believe it was just a little over 2 years ago that I started vomiting my emotions here. It all started of course, as a passtime at work when I was so bored and unstimulated, I figured it would be a creative outlet. I could vent, write stories, exercise my writing skills, etc. As it turns out, it became my private sanctuary of passionately angry and hurtful thoughts, mostly about him.

It seems that everything else in life didn't matter anymore since I've met him. I could obsess about little else. Nothing will tick me off as much as something he did, no matter how big or small the issue was. I wonder especially now (I've basically decided to be his unmarried housewife, to hold down any ol' job but have enough time to take care of him and our home), if it is unwise to let something/someone consume so much of your life, perhaps even my being.

There has been much rationalization on my part for the decisions I've come to make and the most important one that drives my actions in the end is this. Would it not be a mistake, to pass up on a passion that CAN consume so much of you? Would it not be a violation to the nature of your being to abandon and ignore the fire that fuels your soul?

That's what I am going by anyways. I only hope that if it ends in despair and destruction, that it is full and complete, that none of me will return, only to be taken advantage of by vultures.