Thursday, October 18, 2007


You know, honestly there are times when I do not have a "FULL" day's work but often times I do enough. I waste some time here and there, while I work at the same time to keep myself sane because I am a little ADD. But when the work is there, I can always handle it and do it in 8 hours time because i prioritize and organize. Just because I am more efficient, and am not being managed well, it is no fault of mine.

To be accused of being "idle" shows exactly how little my manager knows about what his workers ought to be doing to do their job right. Instead of just piling on the work saying it needs to be handled now, forcing them to constantly start and not finish anything, which ultimately creates more backlog later on. Why not just make and let them finish it through to the end? It's as if I am not already maintaining and constantly adding items to existing PO's (these are tasks he is never even aware of!) OR helping A/P with all the problems that he and his department are dodging phonecalls from. It's not even just that he said I was idle because there are odd times when I am. But at this time when he said he had to keep me busy by bringing me another pile of invoices, even though I told him I only entered a bunch of PR's which need to be followed up on, that's when he said I was idle and I said well no I have to do work on them. He said, come on, be honest with me. Meaning what? That i am lying and saying I have work when I have nothing? It's a slap in the face that's what.

I mean, fuck sticking around just to help him out, why should I? He already screwed my chances of having a forward momentum in this job by not releasing me to A/P just because he could not manage the extra work by NOT having me here. You know, if I am so idle, why don't I just quit and they can do the rest of this on their own. I am hopping mad right now but look at me, here I am working and chugging away. Screw this bullshit, I'm finding a job closer to home.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

So grey

Wowee it is depressing outside...and inside at work. It's cold, grey and absolutely dreary. Also my not having worked out in a week is making my joints aching for movement. Damn I shouldn't have been lazy. Must stretch tonight and thank god tomorrow night is yoga class. Still another 2 hours before home time, arg. I started yesterday, first day back from the long weekend, oh so well. How quickly it has turned ugly on me!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Ready for Hibernation

You know how your body temperature drops when you go to sleep? Right now, the office feels just cool enough not to be cold, but enough to make me want to be warm and toasty, curl into a blanket and sleep forever. Damn these hibernation temperatures, makes it so difficult to concentrate!

Yoga classes start tonight! First in a series of 9 and it'll be just me tonight. Starting next week my mom will be going with me. I'm feeling a wee bit of excitement.

Foolishly I agreed to work the Chinese News broadcast every Tuesday night. There's a little bit of regret and kicking myself there, but I suppose at the end of the month I will be $100 richer.


Monday, September 17, 2007


It's been awhile since I posted here. I guess I have actually been concentrating on work for a bit since I started listening to audiobooks of The Wheel of Time series. I read through 5 and a half books of the series way back when, during the last years of highschool. Everyone was reading them, I just kind of jumped on the bandwagon. They were an enjoyable series with engaging characters but there was so much going on, especially certain side stories that were of less interest to me than others. I honestly probably skimmed through a good quarter of what I read. Listening to the first few chapters of Book 4 right now and there are some sections I don't remember at all, not that it mattered much to the overall plot progression.

The good thing about the audiobook is if I start "skimming" I can just pause it, go back a minute, 10 minutes, a few chapters or wherever and re-absorb it all. It also helps me focus on work as it plays in the background. It's quite efficient, like eavesdropping on a nearby conversation except it's not some inane banter or useless gossip! It was difficult at first to get used to the 2 voice actors. I really rejected it in the beginning and felt terrible to have their voices read what I had imagined but eventually my voice merged with theirs and they do a much better job than me in emoting the characters' dialogue.

I only wonder what I would do when I finish all 11 audiobooks. Work will return to the old days of ho-hum-dom that I dread. The onset of winter is fast approaching with bleak, dreary and grey days that barely motivates me to roll out of bed let alone get myself to work. I must find another diversion to ease me through the days. If only I had 4 arms and a remote camera sending a feed to a pair of video goggles that look like regular glasses. 2 arms to work under the table, knitting away while the camera shows me what I am knitting, my other 2 arms will type away on the computer and me, looking ever more concentrated with my new specs and all.

Where oh where is the technological future we were promised?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I quote Chris Willman in his review Linkin Park's Minutes to Midnight at Entertainment Weekly's site.

"Next time, guys, embrace your outmoded identity, throw cred or caution to the wind, and let your rap-rock freak flag fly. "

Taken out of context, it's actually a pretty good motto for life in general and the last bit just sounds funny so it's a bonus. Fly you rap rocking freak flag, FLYYY~!

To those of you actually interested in the review, it is interesting to see the complete divide of LP fans on their latest album. They are polar opposites. I've never been a LP die-hard myself but I've liked most of their singles from before. "Faint" being a favourite club anthem that just pumps you up and starts you off to one rocking night. I agree that from Meteora on, even the singles were starting to be weak and a mere rehashing of old material. When the first single "What I've Done" came out for this one, I was very disappointed. That's why the second single "Bleed It Out" completely took me by surprise and I thought I had prematurely judged them and perhaps I should make the effort to give the whole album a listen. After reading more articles, I think I'll just get the other Mike Shinoda rapping track "Hands Held High".

Monday, August 13, 2007


I woke up early one morning
bawling my eyes out
silently screaming.
Strange, cathartic & disturbing all at once.

I tried to find reasons
as to why I would cry
literally in my sleep.
Justified though it may be
It makes little sense none the less.

I shudder at the thought of that moment
In my half dream/half conscious state
when I realized the wet tears pouring down my cheeks,
a waterfall of emotions pooling on my pillow.

Blips from my dream flashes in my mind.
Accusations piercing my just healed wounds,
humiliating words fly my way.
There I had no room to dodge.
There I had no control, no escape.

A child walked clumsily towards me,
followed by that shape-shifting monster.
He chomped down on my chains,
barely taking off my foot.
He told me I am free to come along.

My heart ached to follow and embrace the beast,
but instinct made me want to run.
The child stared at me with innocent eyes, pleading for me to come.
What would you have done?

I was paralyzed for a while
but the monster began to taunt me.
The same thoughts pounded through my mind
over and over.
Until finally I just flailed my arms
Running in circles,
screaming, crying at the top of my lungs.

Then I woke.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

What's really "Green"?

Renewable Energy Wrecks Environment, According To Researcher
Science Daily — Renewable does not mean green. That is the claim of Jesse Ausubel of the Rockefeller University in New York. Writing in Inderscience's International Journal of Nuclear Governance, Economy and Ecology, Ausubel explains that building enough wind farms, damming enough rivers, and growing enough biomass to meet global energy demands will wreck the environment.

I'm not saying this guy is 100% right but it does make sense. I have to find the original article and do more research. Here's another article along those lines:

Bioenergy Could Do More Harm Than Good
Science Daily — Leading environmental groups are making an urgent plea to government not to downgrade other environmental concerns in promoting bioenergy to help tackle climate change.

Looks like it's back to the old drawing board before new policies are made based on the "green"-ness of renewable energy sources. It's about time for articles like this to surface as the US elections are coming right up and there will heated debates between the new & renewable energy supporters vs. the traditional & established energy titans.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Here's where it gets a little preachy...

No regrets.

There are always ups and downs in life but for a long time I have tried to make this my mantra. The reasoning is logical. At any given point in your life, you make decisions based on what you feel is best. The result may not always turn out the way you hoped or things change along the way and your decision from before does not appear so wise now. However you do the best with what information you have. That is why it is important to have trustworthy friends to talk things over, mentors to give advice and loved ones to give moral support.

After having a talk with the roommate last night about his current dilemmas, I realize that my mantra needs to be expanded upon. It's not enough just to have no regrets because in some ways you can assume that every decision you made was right. Alternatively, even if your decisions are wrong and in turn you suffer the consequences, by simply having no regrets, it somewhat waives your responsibilities for the situation, putting the blame on an outside force. One can then easily be trapped in a vortex of complaints and dread for the unfairness of life, allowing himself to be victim to everything that ever goes wrong. The "victim" can then digress even further, withdrawing from healthy interaction with all situations and people. Essentially giving up because what is the point in trying? The unfairness of the world will ultimately put him in his place despite his best efforts. But it's okay as long as it's not his fault, he will never have to admit his wrongs to feel guilt or see the truth behind his choices, yet he will never be happy either.

No regrets. No complaints. No excuses.

Here is the addition which I believe completes this mantra. The first part remains the same but the second and last part kind of go together. Aside from not regretting the choices in the past, one must be grateful for what you have now. You must not complain and put the blame on others for your misfortunes because you are the single most powerful force in your universe. Sometimes those outside forces are pretty strong too but you alone can change how you interact, deal with or shape your future. To achieve that, you must not make excuses for why you cannot change your ways. You cannot make excuses to relieve responsibility of yourself. To have no regrets means to understand and admit your mistakes, then take matters into your own hands and change how it's done in the future. This makes for a true learning experience that will ultimately improve life and open doors for opporunity.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

6 months

Yesterday was the 6 month luniversary(?) of starting work at this company as a temp. I'm still at temp status but have been asked several times to stay and take on a full time permanent position, on salary, benefits, etc. but it's like a part of me does not want to accept the fact that this is it. It just seems so final, to admit defeat, to accept that I am only as good as this. This should be a reminder to me to actively look for other employment or concede to taking the permanent position. It's not as if I can't quit and go to something else if I have the opportunity, right?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The mother of all curses

Someone must be cursing something nasty about me. For the past hour, I've been getting involuntary left eye twitching and hiccups. Well, it's either that or my strange sleeping patterns. Also, the past two days I've been getting itchy bumps on my legs, at first they did not look like mosquito bites so it made me think my dog contracted fleas and infested our bed. Luckily I found a mosquito buzzing around in our room this morning so thank god it's not a curse of boils or something.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Wishing luck is on my side today...

Well, in about half an hour I'll be skipping out from work and going to a job interview. If the job would actually pay an acceptable rate, I am pretty excited. Even though it would mean going downtown everyday, it's something related to what I did before and I get to be techie / customer service. I just think it has more potential for me and it seems to be a good compromise. We shall see what comes of my meeting.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Webcomics are great

It's so easy now to have everyone and anyone see your work online. There are so many blogs, comics, so much opinion just floating around out there. Mine is quite insignificant compared to everything else but I love the idea that my thoughts here (if there was anything influential) could spark debate in others. I know there are countries who prosecute citizens for speaking their mind about their governing officials or public policies, but the internet has given us the gift of free-speech. Because of the fact that there is so much superfluous information available, everything becomes lost in the noise.

Imagine you standing on your soapbox, raving like a lunatic about something that may or may not be important, anyone walking by would think you a madman or report you to the authorities. Your presence would be detected right away. The internet allows us to hide, forces us to write semi-cohesive articles and subversively broadcast our views to the world, to anybody who looked. The trick is you have to be looking in order to find it. True, there're a lot of "questionable" material being published too and it's hard to seperate fact from fiction in a lot of cases but it's really up to the individual to validate the source, somehow, some way. If you cared enough, go to it, right? You can't blindly accept something you read, or even see with your own eyes as truth.

Anyways, enough of my ranting, this comic was the original purpose of this posting.

Politics - Science - Pop Culture

Here's a tidbit of political humor utilizing scientific theories as a commentary. I found it from a link in the Scientific American blog. Amusing.

This Modern World - by Tom Tomorrow
A brief explanation of the Cheneyverse.

After seeing that comic, I decided to pass some time researching into the controversy that is Dick Cheney's career. Amongst other articles and blogs, apparently The Washington Post just did a series of articles on that subject in the past week. I am still reading it right now but thought I'd share. It's an interesting read.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Foiled! by Websense

The constant pain in my side at work, aside from my back pain inducing slouching and unending boredom, is Websense. It blocks me from all the truly entertaining websites. Sure I'm supposed to be working but there's no work to be done. What else can I do other than surf? That and email filtering. If anyone in the company cared to check the logs for email and Websense, they would think I was a perverted racist extremist. I just tried to look at Sinfest (the comic) and it is classified as Adult Content. What the?!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Numb is my brain & body

What a brutal day at work! I am falling asleep here. Even with music in my ears, I thought it would save me but it does nothing. I stopped looking up creative/hobby stuff and tried to read more science articles. Some are interesting but something's still making me drowsy. Maybe it's my pork chop lunch causing this itus. Yeah, it's probably the pork.

I shouldn't have agreed to help out at the TV station. Now after hours of doing nothing, I have to show up, wait and do nothing for another 2 hours there before the news broadcast actually starts. Today is driving me nuts. My last email received was 10:58 this morning! There were only a total of 7 emails before that. Where the hell IS everybody? I thought maybe my mailbox was full and I wasn't getting emails, but I just sent one to myself, no problems or error messages popping up. That's the true mark of a bored person there, sending messages to yourself.

Anyways, maybe trying to write lyrics to a song not yet written will help pass some time. The first verse of this I thought of driving home last week.

This is a dedication to...
Those who sweet talk, those who kiss ass,
The ones that smoke c*ck will get the best grass,
The best of choices, the best opportunities,
The best of you and the best of me.

We give without wanting, they'll dazzle before us.
The way of the world, that's how it is.
Can it be changed, can it be different?
Do you really care? I'm kinda distant.

If I get what I need when I need it.
Why expend energy for naught?
Looking out for number one is the only mandate.
I can do it too and won't be caught.

Like steps on a mayan pyramid,
We'll stomp on you to reach the top.
Suppress the ego to nourish the id,
Steep is the climb but it'll never stop.

If you fall behind, bottom of the barrel,
the rat race continues to the high holy shrine.
We'll do it together, a team, no quarrels.
I'll scratch your back then you can scratch mine.

This is dedicated to...
Those who sweet talk, those who kiss ass,
the ones that smoke c*ck will get the best grass,
The best of choices, best opportunities,
awaiting you, awaiting me.

Monday, June 11, 2007

He works hard for his money!

Not much to report on. Work is boring but busy enough obviously because I haven't been able to surf and find interesting things to talk about. Or perhaps it's been a slow week in terms of procrastination and idling thoughts.

There was a water salesman who came in this morning. He had so much gusto and umpgh! He was pitching in the boss's office and from out here I can hear and "feel" that the water system he represents is the bestest damned water system in the world. I still felt sorry for him though. People in general now are just immune to hardcore sales pitches. We can easily turn a blind eye/deaf ear nowadays. It definitely takes a certain amount of talent and charm to be a good salesman. There are too many of them, pushed out into the world with nothing but a pamphlet and a promise of commissions, to do a job they are bound to fail at. It's a sad depressing world but kudos to him for trying so hard.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

New Digs

So here's the old "temporary" office... It was all open, rows of people like a computer lab.
As compared to the new office I was move to today, still under rennovations. It doesn't look like much but considering that it's a dinky little old building in an industrial area, they spent a lot of time & money on making this place nice.

All the offices are fairly large with windows from ceiling to about 2 feet off the ground. Hardwood floor for all the manager's offices and the rest is tile. It may just be that linoleum stuff but they really made a point of making this a comfortable space.

Here's my temporary desk, right by the window. Someone else is supposed to have this seat, when she comes I will have to move. Hopefully NOT into the offices in the back or in the boardroom because I like the sunlight. Another good thing is, even if I feel like being a workaholic, I can't. The guy who locks up leaves at 5pm everyday. I can't hold up the poor guy who's been their since 7:30 now can I?

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

God damn!

As soon as I finished my last blog @ 4:30pm, someone sitting behind me announces that the system's back up and the chump from A/P starts emailing me with stuff to do. OOOH, how does the Man always know how to get you?! Just at the right time too! arrrgh...

Quitting Time

The decision is made. I am not moving to Head Office. My non-boss does not want to let me go to A/P yet, but instead of having me work out of HO, he's moving me to his boss's new office at the newly acquired plant on Weston Rd. It's about half the distance from home to Brampton and only a little further than this temp office here. Although it is probably unneccesary to take the 407, he mentioned on his own, that they would continue paying for the transponder fees (which I haven't used since I've gone to Brampton anwyays). So now I have that option if I choose. I wouldn've liked to work at HO, get used to the environment, see if I like it but I always dread the more inconvenient drive mid-town. Distance-wise HO is no tmuch further but it would take twice the amount of time to commute there during rush hours. I hope the new plant at Weston is nice and new.

As for today, I have no more work to do, anything I need to do is in the system which is down for maintenance for at least 2 hours. I think I'll just be quitting today and come nice and early to move my stuff in the morning. Now I can do some early grocery shopping, yahoo!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Tossed around like an old shoe

Funny. I knew this temporary office is closing down soon but it never quite hits you how soon, especially since I was supposed to have stopped working here months ago because this very office is closing down. I've gone from refusing to work in Brampton, to going to Brampton, then refusing again to work in Brampton, finally coming back to the temp office until it shuts down, extending the term of my assignment about 4 or 5 times now. (Who knows how many times it has been?)

Finally it hits me, when the IT dude comes up to me and says, "Are you moving to head office at the end of today? Let me mark down which computer you have." I was in complete shock. If they take my computer, where would I work? I'm sure as hell not going back to Brampton after the big stink I caused, what with the salary increase and all (although that extra $225 gas allowance is pretty sweet) . I've even made arrangements to transfer to A/P to learn about that. There's been no set date for my transferral because everyone is busy and they want it done neatly through HR. My current non-boss whom I don't really report to, doesn't want to let me go because I am doing a huge chunk of his work. My real boss who I should be reporting to doesn't know what I am doing but wants to help my non-boss because it makes his own team's work run more smoothly. My soon-to-be boss would really like me down at head office but she is waiting on HR to do the negotiations with the boss of my non-boss.

So with all this bureaucracy, and the temp office shutting down by Friday, I've asked IT to keep my computer here for a few extra days to stall the process but then what? Where will I be going? What shall be my fate next week?

Without intention to brag, but if they talk as if I'm such a hot commodity, they sure drag their behinds in sorting out where I should be. Finally, reality sets in for everyone. No more waltzing into work at 9:30 or so every morning, leaving earlier than I should anymore. No more looking like a schlub at work. No more net-surfing all day long when I am bored out of my mind with no work to do because neither my boss or non-boss knows my real workload. I guess the good times are really over.

Hens - controllers of own sexual destiny

Sex in the Morning Or in the Evening?
Hens solicit sex in the morning to avoid sexual harassment in male-dominated groups of chickens, shown in a new study. In the animal kingdom, males more often than females can increase their reproductive success by being promiscuous. This in turn can result in males imposing high numbers of copulation attempts and sexual harassment on females.

I thought our species have gone beyond the need (if there ever was such a thing) to mimmick animal behavior but this, girls, this is useful information!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Them wacky scientists!

To alleviate boredom at work, I've subscribed to several RSS feeds on Google Reader from some of the more popular science magazines/journals such as Scientific American & Science Daily. Having always been curious about all facets of science at a young age but not quite having the discipline or patience to learn about it fully, I never chose a science-related career path. Instead, I chose the arts. However, it is always interesting to know what new frontiers our scientist brothers and sisters have forged but sometimes after reading these headlines, it just makes me shake my head. Check out some of these nuggets from the past few days:

Personality More Important Than Job Satisfaction In Determining Job Performance Success
I understand the merit of this particular project but who said let's spend X amount of time and money to gather proof on something that I think should be widely assumed already. It's so common sense that any good manager should see it right away without needing the results of such a study to direct his/her interactions with subordinates. I say, if as a manager you don't know this, then you do not have the personality to be a fully successful and effective manager. Which, is fine, because many mediocre people get to the top. It's a fact of life. It's how long before their fall or how much they struggle to prevent that which makes life so interesting.

Finger Length Helps Predict Elementary Exam Results, Study Shows
Excuse me? Are we living in the 21st century? Okay. The article does go on to mention that there is a correlation between finger length and brain development in areas that coorespond to spatial and mathematical skills possibly because of testosterone and oestrogen levels in the womb which can affect both. So after leading to that intermediate conclusion, why dwell on the finger length and coming up with a digit ratio? If a relationship can be found on a chemical level, then how about just determining a prenatal hormon exposure ratio? They say digit ratio cannot replace SAT scores but it will be an interesting insight in relation to other behaviors such as technophobia, choices in career path or developmental disorders. I just don't understand how the relation of the digit ratio actually matters? Hopefully this was just a journalistic choice to make for a quirky read. Maybe the actual study is more about the hormones. One can only hope.

Clues to Mysteries of Physical Attractiveness Revealed
Here's the short feed, I'm not even gonna bother commenting:
"Score one for body language: It seems that body shape and the way people walk hold major cues to their attractiveness to others, according to new research. The attractiveness ratings for perceived women increased by about 50 percent when they walked with hip sway, and attractiveness ratings for perceived men more than doubled when they walked with a swagger in their shoulders."

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Envy & Admiration

The "resident IT guy", as another face in the office once called him, just gets up, closes his backpack every single day at 5:00pm on the dot, or today even earlier. Less than a minute, he is up and out of here. That's the getaway approach I need to learn. Fast as lightning, like a bank robbery. The guy comes in even later than me on most days. I don't know why I care so much about the extra bit of money. Well I know why because I will end up doing it everyday and it adds up. *sigh* Maybe today is the day.

Boredom begets hunger

Talk about true lack of motivation. A few hours ago, I had blogged on my other site about my lack of motivation to exercise the past week. Here I am now, 30 minutes to an hour from the end of work and I am thinking about dinner, looking up recipes to make awesome beef noodle soup tonight. Just the thought of it is making my brain trick me into smelling the sweet broth. I can feel myself salivating.

Boredom tends to do that to you. Makes you hungry, I mean, not just salivate. Although that would be funny. An office full of bored people, wide-eyed, staring at their computers with drool down the side of their mouths. Gross; but hilarious.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Lunchroom Conversations

Five minutes ago, I walked into the lunchroom to rinse my mug: reservoir for my fill of soy milk from this morning. You know how it thickens and sticks to the sides, looks like day old splooge. Nasty stuff, that soy milk when dried. Two female co-workers whose names I will not mention (only because I do not know them) are chatting during a break. A typically casual conversation amongst colleagues about the television and movie preferences of their respective kids & significant other.

OL A, "...he really likes the action stuff, really fast paced, you know."
Worker B, "He would really like Die Hard then wouldn't he?"
OL A, "Oh, but that is really adult. No that's...that's too adult."
Worker B, "Well that's got everything!"
OL A, "My husband, he likes 24."
Worker B, "24? Die Hard's like that."
OL A, "No, 24 is more...intelligent, what with the government and all that."
Worker B, "What about those Mel Gibson movies?"

Hearing that conversation alone was enough to signal my blood to boil and jolt me back into full consciousness from my work induced trance.

I suppose I can't blame them. They are just as much affected as I am by the phenomenon of OCBDD (Office-Computer Brain Drain Discorder). When forced to converse in a manner not related to work, it reduces us to make bubble-headed remarks on just about any topic. For shame that we should be plagued by this affliction, when we have the technology in our hands to combat the effects of this ailment. Internet radio, ipods, YouTube; conveniently packaged for the momentary diversion of attention to relieve us of concentration fatigue. All of it is readily available on the very workstations we have but we are cut off or forbidden to access the cure.

The Man is determined to bring us down and drag our brain-dead carcasses across the never changing landscape and barren wasteland of office space. Sure, cubicles may change slightly, at times we are boxed in, others we are a field of people at floating workstations but always under the overbearing dark clouds of corporate policies.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Just like a driving record!

I have archived and filed away the past 2-3 years of this blog to an undisclosed internet location. Just like an insurance driving record, I've wiped the slate clean.

Upon consideration of simply deleting it all, I decided that it was an important part of my life that helped shape who I am today. Should I ever need to review and revisit my choices and feelings from those times, they are available to me lest I forget.

It's easy to forget the past, especially a hurtful past. I know some people would not agree. Actually, a more accurate way of seeing this is that it is not easy to forget a hurtful past but it is easy to forget the real events, reasons and choices that led up to it. Once that is forgotten, our minds will fabricate a new explanation for the scars it carries which may be far from the truth, thus leading us to do more wrong to ourselves.

If I never have look at those files again, maybe it will be a time capsule of my early 20's. Perhaps my children can see it. Although I will need some kind of encryption for it with the secret code to unlock it given to them only on my death bed. Or perhaps it will be like a diary dug up in someone's backyard. Some internet archiver of the future will find it, perhaps read it and experience the story and emotions of my life then. Either way, it was a special time, no matter what happened, a time I will cherish forever.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Counting down the minutes to an 8 hour day

Experience the passing of time in an office environment on an unproductive day is like going through various stages of a terminal illness. The journey ahead seems so long and endless but as a human being, we give ourselves hope. We say to ourselves, "It's not so bad, we can occupy ourselves and hope for the best." Somehow we think a miracle will happen and either we are sent home, there is work to do again or we just die on the spot.

As the day goes on, your headache increases and you're constantly looking over your shoulder waiting for the worst to happen. By hour 6, the flesh pocket surrounding my eyes called eyesockets felt like they were swollen or that my eyeballs had sunken deep into its recess all the while shriveling like a prune. They were ready to fall out if a fellow co-worker only nudged me from behind.

Now, finally I am in the home stretch. I should stay until 6 PM but that is much more than I can take for today. The people here must think I am the biggest slacker. In about 15-20 minutes, I will begin to slowly pack things up. Still feeling the pain yet almost giddy with excitement. The heavy feeling in my head will lift the instant I walk out of this building. I simply can't wait.

boy! it's gonna be a long day...

Not even an hour into work and I am already out of work to do. This is crazy. I knew that usually on Wednesday, the work slows down as everyone else is trying to catch up on other work while I sit on my thumb, waiting...waiting...waiting for them to get to the PR's I send out. I thought at least today (Thursday) there would be more emails to deal with in the morning. I had three emails this morning. 2 gave me a little bit of work to do, but now someone else needs to do something before I can proceed with them. The other one basically lessened my work.

*sigh* Not a thing to do. I suppose I can find something and pretend to work, but it would not lead to any productive end. My mind is becoming stale, for at least 8 hours of the day it should be learning or problem solving. Next week would be a perfect time to swtich departments, I wonder if that is going to happen. Should I initiate a talk with the powers that be, just to shake things up and make the day more interesting?

If only I had my knitting with me I could finish that shrug today and bring it to my mom's tomorrow as a gift.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Back to basics

I am glad I haven’t posted too much doom and gloom on this blog for a while. It should really get back to the original intention I had with it, which was a display of my zany thoughts and quirky observations about the world. (Wow I haven’t used the word zany in a while, and probably never will in real conversation.)

So I recently decided to try taking those once a day type of multivitamins, to see if it will help keep my energy levels up by filling in the nutritional gaps in my diet. I just bought a bottle yesterday and when I opened it up, there was a big wad of cotton in it. I stuffed it back in after taking a pill but then wondered. Is there a good reason for cotton to be in there? So of course I turned to my long time friend the internet who was very helpful, not that I would ever expect less.

“Cotton traditionally has been used as packing in pill bottles to keep the pills from breaking and to maintain a concept from a gentler time called pharmaceutical elegance, meaning a pleasing presentation, said Peggyann Zaenger, a doctor of pharmacy in Jacksonville, Fla., and a student of pharmaceutical history. You still find cotton in over-the-counter bottles packed by the manufacturer, but not in prescriptions filled by pharmacists. Breakage isn't common because pharmacists usually dispense medicine in smaller quantities and in thicker containers better sized to the number of pills. Also, porous cotton can absorb pathogens from hands and contaminate the pills if it's returned to the bottle. So, when you take out the cotton, throw it away, Zaenger said. “ – Rocky Mountain News
A satisfying answer. Thank you.

(ps. I might end up archiving all the “bad” stuff in this blog, since that is all past and should only be a memory, and maybe put up some of my knitting here. Yes new hobby! Woohoo! And maybe the progress of my plants in the garden.)

Friday, March 23, 2007

Looking back

Reading my first post on this blog, it's hard to believe it was just a little over 2 years ago that I started vomiting my emotions here. It all started of course, as a passtime at work when I was so bored and unstimulated, I figured it would be a creative outlet. I could vent, write stories, exercise my writing skills, etc. As it turns out, it became my private sanctuary of passionately angry and hurtful thoughts, mostly about him.

It seems that everything else in life didn't matter anymore since I've met him. I could obsess about little else. Nothing will tick me off as much as something he did, no matter how big or small the issue was. I wonder especially now (I've basically decided to be his unmarried housewife, to hold down any ol' job but have enough time to take care of him and our home), if it is unwise to let something/someone consume so much of your life, perhaps even my being.

There has been much rationalization on my part for the decisions I've come to make and the most important one that drives my actions in the end is this. Would it not be a mistake, to pass up on a passion that CAN consume so much of you? Would it not be a violation to the nature of your being to abandon and ignore the fire that fuels your soul?

That's what I am going by anyways. I only hope that if it ends in despair and destruction, that it is full and complete, that none of me will return, only to be taken advantage of by vultures.